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Re: Accused of Child Abuse, Facing Custody Hearing

From: Kona Jewel
Conditions of use: accepted & agree
Date: 18 Jun 2005
Time: 06:01:55
Remote Name:


My dad was "strict"...white glove inspections, always had to say "sir", I still hear his words "children are to be seen and not heard", he spanked bare-bottom, once he literally kicked me in the ass so hard my feet came off the floor (for grumbling about helping his new wife with the dishes when I was 12 or 13), and once (when I was 17), after a long drive during which he berated me and insulted me and my friends and everything I believed in, when we finally got home and I could exit the car, and I exploded with some vehement expletive like "Oh yeah, well you and all your stupid friends are FUCKED!" and I slammed the car door and walked away...suddenly to find myself being dragged by the hair down the driveway, thrown on the ground, and my father pinning me by sitting on my chest while he slapped the holy hell out of me...until he came to his senses. I always was told that was just "strict discipline" that folks of his generation all practiced, but I was told just a few years ago that No, that's NOT discipline, it's abuse. I now have a 9 year old boy whom I've never even spanked. Heck no! I'll NEVER do to him what was done to me. Never. I was abused as a kid (neglected, criticized constantly, made to feel worthless, and then that other crap), but that made it clear to me what NOT to do as a parent, and I knew when I conceived my child that I was going to (and still will) do everything in my power to ensure that he grows up free from the baggage that my father heaped on me. It really negatively affected my life and held me back, and actually led to me choosing an abusive man for a husband (you'd think I'd have had a clue what NOT to look for in a man, huh?). I guess I turned that abuse inward, onto myself, rather than to my son. I just kept it all on me rather than passing it on. I'm getting hurt very badly now by that Ex who's abusive...he's taken my son from me and will "never let me see him again" (if he has his way), all because I stood up to him and FINALLY kicked him out of our house after years of him refusing to leave, even though I'd told him it was over and we slept in separate rooms. Anyway, to the man who beat his daughter with a belt, let me ask you to consider what it was you intended to teach her; what impression, what lesson, did you want her to walk away with? And how did the belt help that? Bet it didn't. With that in mind, what could you have done differently to achieve the result you were after -- that is, to impart upon your 14-year old daughter the importance of the lesson you were trying to teach (and Sir, I remember 14 - I was awful, but the meaner my father became, the more I rebelled). Regretably, you may have lost your chance to guide her in a direction you see as positive and beneficial, and rather driven her in a direction that is negative and ultimately harmful. Now it's your turn to learn a lesson, and to apologize to your daughter before it's too late.

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