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Inappropriate material question/home study

From: concerned mom
Conditions of use: accepted & agree
Date: 01 Feb 2005
Time: 09:37:11
Remote Name:


My Xdh is a VERY bad influence on our two young sons. Oldest is 10, youngest just turned 5. They are allowed to watch very bad movies, in which my 5 year old learns to "cuss out" (in his own words) his older brother. Luckily he didn't say the MAJOR cuss words, but did say s*** and BS. He says he learned it in a "bad word movie that I watched at daddy's house by myself." He also came home from there after watching Dodgeball (a man is asleep and a dog is licking his genitals through his boxer shorts in the movie) He, at 4 years old, sat on the floor at our house and kept pulling his boxers down in front to reveal his "privates." I didn't want to embarass him, so I didn't say anything at first. He was playing with our dog at the same time. I happened to look over at one time, and he let go of his boxers really fast, so that he wasn't exposed anymore and had a really scared look on his face. After asking him what he was scared for, he said, "I was trying to get (dog's name) to lick my privates." I freaked out- I hadn't seen this movie in question- and I started asking him all of the typical questions about whether or not someone has touched him or asked him to touch them, etc. etc. I FINALLY found out after all of the drama, that he had seen that movie at his fathers, in fact, his father had given it to our 10 year old for a Christmas present. Also, he gave our 10 year old a Nelly CD with a big Parental Advisory Explicit Content label on it. I was suspicious, so I went on line and printed all of the lyrics to the songs on the CD. They said things like "I had the b**** on the couch, gettin ate out" "She like the d***, but she cry when she gotta leave..." And also things about how great it is to smoke dope, not to mention NUMEROUS hard core cuss words. I immediately took the CD and movie away. I called his father to let him know that I had confiscated these things and that they were completely inappropriate. Re the dog licking our child's genitals, he just laughed and said, "that's just what boys do." He didn't even acknowledge it or take responsibility for having shown the child the material. He said that "I was a holy roller and I probably screened everything that they saw and only let them watch the discovery channel and the Christian channel." He said that I was to send the movie and CD back to his house on the next visitation. He said that he would "burn" our son a CD of the songs on that disc that didn't have bad words in it, and that "he's not like me, he doesn't screen things they see and hear. He (our son) said he wanted it, so he bought it." (btw, there is a clean version available on the market, but he bought the explicit version for a 10 year old. He then told me that the kids will hear and see bad stuff in the real world, so it is better that he be the one to show them. (WTF???) I told him that it may be true, but I didn't feel it was our place as parents to serve up obscene things on a silver platter, but to explain them when the child DID encounter them on their own. I later over heard a phone conversation with him and 10 yr old where he told him that he would be able to watch the movie at his house, but just not to tell his mother. In addition, he said that there was a really scary movie coming out, and that he was going to buy it and let them watch it, but NOT TO TELL ME because "he knows how I am." (Our youngest when he was just turning 4 came home and cried and had nightmares for several weeks because he said, "Daddy made me watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Will these kinds of things come out in a home study, or will he be able to charm them and pretend he's dad of the year? Don't want to even try to get a home study started if it won't shed the REAL light on the type of parent he is. Concerned mom

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